Well this entry will be kind of mixed because I am kinda tired and I have a lot to say so please excuse me already.

I am finally back to Sweden. Actually it has been around 10 days since I am back. 10 long unproductive days. Well, actually they weren’t so unproductive. I moved in to my new flat. Keep in mind if you ever need to carry a lot of stuff just steal a shopping cart and push it. It worked great for me. Later we had a trip to IKEA with my lovely flatmate and spent the whole day there. Next two days were full with assembling the stuff. Now we have a really nice flat and I think it will get even nicer when we clean it tomorrow and decorate the walls a bit. Janine(my flatmate) has some nice posters to put on walls. So, we will see soon. By the way my flatmate is a really cool girl. I really like her. Even though she is vegetarian I think we won’t have any problem living together this year.

I am really mad at cell phone companies in Sweden because they don’t sell new iPhone 4 without a contract. It is stupid. It is my choice if I want to pay them 600 Euros at once and have my phone. Anyway, problem has been solved thanks to Henrietta(A Danish girl who lives in Copenhagen and just starting her PhD in Lund) I could buy it through apple.dk and ship it to her address. I still need to wait till around September 6-9 to get my new iPhone.

I am still not done with last semester’s course work in CIRCLE and I am feeling so ashamed. I need to do it soon. I promised myself I will! On the other hand I started my new masters on Entrepreneurship today and I have so many cool course mates. Also the program is really interesting and nice. Despite the workload (classes 5 days a week) it seems like a really cool program. I guess I will have a fun year this year.

I am starting gym again tomorrow I guess I will be getting rid of some extra weight kinda soon. I decided to have a basic life. Eating, studying, gym and it is already night then. I found the answer to many questions in my mind. Answer is just to make yourself busy and not to think. Life gets much simpler then. So, good light everyone. I love you lots!

I am really suffering insomnia. It is 04.09 am and still I am up. I wanted to sleep but bed was too hot and too cold. I just couldn’t sleep and to tell the truth I don’t like this situation at all. I want to be normal. I want to go to bed no later than midnight and sleep 9 hours like normal people.

Unfortunately it is not happening. I have all these stuff about school and work in my mind. But you know what? I am not doing any shit for both. I am just thinking and thinking but not committing any action. I am just looking at John Ziman’s Prometheus Bound on my desk. I was supposed to start reading long time ago but all I have done till now is a huge nothing. I really need to spend more time for school and read. I am feeling sad about my laziness. I have a great opportunity and I don’t have the luxury of blowing it. I know there are many people who would wish to be in my place.

I guess I will connect all these to loneliness again. Yes, I am feeling lonely and I desperately need a cure for this loneliness. I need to meet more people and socialize more. Maybe I might be more “normal” again. I want to feel at peace. I know it won’t be easy while I am still at war with myself…

P.S. I am really sick for a week. I am coughing like a donkey and still have an awful sore throat.

(*) I love Sweden

It has been a really really long while since the last time I wrote here. I am having another restless night, maybe it is the reason I am writing here. Who knows?

I just had a coffee and I have tones of pages to read for tomorrow. I guess I will just force myself to stay awake and read but I am not so sure though.

If we leave everything aside I am having the time of my life in Sweden. I am just missing my friends. It seems like we won’t be together again and it really hurts me.
It has been a month since I moved to Sweden and it is great to reunite with an old friend here. (Emanuel) He is having his PhD here so I guess I will be seeing him more.
I am living in a really cute studio which costs me a lot but still really great for Sweden.
I love the research center that I am having my masters. (CIRCLE) Instructors are extremely great and I am so happy to study STS.
I know I am writing without a sense but I guess this is what happens when you don’t write for a long time. I will try to keep my blog up to date from now on. I promise to write at least once a week.

At last I wanna say; All my friends & family reading this entry; I love you and miss you all but you should be happy for me because I am so happy in here. All I miss is you. so, take care people

I have 5 finals left back and after that the first level of my university life will be over. This is something to be happy for I think but my problem and eternal enemy is called Math104.

Some of you knows that I don’t really like applied maths. Especially if it is applied to business. By the way Math104 is not even applied to business. It is just a really silly and complicated lesson. I failed it once and now I am afraid of failing it twice. Now I am supposed to be studying but my friend who is gonna help me with Math104 lent her notes to someone else and that someone else is fucking missing. I am not angry, only dissapointed.

I really don’t want to fail this shit. Not when I am so close to graduation. Not now…

It has been a really long while since the last time I wrote here. More than a month and actually a lot happened meanwhile but I already forgot some of these things. Now I am sitting in my balcony comfortably but the soft breeze turning into a cold one so I guess I will go in once I finish this and the expensive  Dominican cigar. (AVO XQ my favourite) For ones who don’t know. I am not a tobacco addict. I just smoke less than 10 cigars in a year. So I do it really just to enjoy it. This is something like smoking weed when you go to Amsterdam.

What change since back then? Nothing much I am still the same drinking, partying jerks. I am not intended to change. I guess I just like myself this way. I like who I am finally. Finals are approaching and I didn’t study anything yet. My first exam is on monday I am really wondering what the hell I am going to do. It will be my information systems analysis & design final and I am mixing all modeling types. Wish the models I am talking about now were Victoria’s Secret models. Unfortunately these are ugly system models. I guess I will survive all finals but this time I don’t have the luxury of failing even one course. This will be the first time in my life; I mean not failing any course in university. I am not worried about much. What gives me a stomachache recently is Cultural Medley 2009. I guess it will be really nice and smooth but still only around 40 people registered. I want that to be perfect. I guess I will be able to catch something closer. I really want that to be great.

By the way here comes the big news; I got accepted to Lund University’s Society, Science & Technology program. I am going to Sweden in august. Finally I will study what I love the most. Hopefully I will do better than I did with others. I really want that.

So people… This is what is going on recently. What’s going on with you?

Geçen gün Merve’nin doğumgünüydü. Her şey çok güzeldi her şey yolundaydı derken birden K. sustu ve benimle konuşmayı kesti. Üffff. Ben ne yaptım ki şimdi ya? Ne günahım var?

Rektörümüz Ekrem Ekinci’nin yazısıdır. Lütfen herkes okusun ve ciddiye alsın.

Işık Üniversitesi’nin Değerli Öğrencileri ve Mensupları,

23 Ocak 2009 Cuma günü sınav çıkışından sonra akşam saatlerinde arabası ile evine dönmekte olan sevgili öğrencimiz Saruhan Kanbur’u, elim bir trafik kazası sonucu kaybettik. Ailesinin ve Üniversitemizin başı sağ olsun.

Sevgili Saruhan hatırası ile bizimle hep yaşayacaktır.

Bir yıl içerisinde yine trafik canavarının kurbanı rahmetli öğrencimiz Gizem Avcı ile yaşadığımız bu ikinci  kaybımız. Yaşamını kaybeden öğrencilerimizin ölçülemeyecek kadar büyük olan kişisel kayıpları  yanı sıra aileleri, arkadaşları ve kurumlarına verdikleri üzüntüler de son derece büyüktür.

Türkiye’de yolların tasarımı ve bakımsızlığı, yollara çıkabilen hayvanlar,  sürücülerin eğitim durumu ve diğer faktörler hepimiz için büyük trafik riski oluşturmaktadır.

Bu nedenlerle kendiniz, aileniz, okulunuz ve ülkeniz için lütfen;

-       aşırı hız yapmayınız,

-       muhakkak emniyet kemerinizi takınız,

-       risk almayınız,

-       hatalı sollama yapmayınız,

-       trafik kurallarına uyunuz.

Ne yazık ki, yaşanan acı kayıplar kısa bir süre etkilerini göstermekte ve akabinde yeniden trafik canavarına hizmet edecek davranışlar sergilenmektedir. Aksine, böylesine acı kayıplar yaşanmaması ve içinde bulunduğumuz eğitim ortamının örnek olmasını sağlamak üzere tüm yaşam boyu güvenli sürüş kurallarına riayet edelim.

Saruhan ile yaşadığımız acının bir daha yaşanmaması dileklerimizle.

IŞIK ÜNİVERSİTESİ REKTÖRLÜĞÜ

Uzun süredir yazmadığımı biliyorum. Bunun nedeni yazacak hiç şeyim olmamasından çok yazacak mutlu bir şeye sahip olmamamdan. Neden bilmiyorum ama felaketleri çekiyorum. Sürekli kötü şeyler oluyor etrafımda. En son olan ise 2008 ve 2009′un en büyük felaketi.

Bugün sabaha karşı 4.30 sularında dünya iyisi bir arkadaşımı kaybettim. Daha geçen gün konuşurken gülerken, birlikte üretim yönetimi dersinin projelerini yaparken artık onu görmemiz mümkün değil. O şimdi bizden çok uzaklarda. Belki de onu bir daha asla göremeyeceğiz. Çok genç yaşında ayrıldı aramızdan. Ben… Ben anlayamıyorum. Neden oldu bu? Neden? Hangi lanet kurgunun eseri bu? Neden o kadar hızlı kullandın arabanı Saruhan? Bir şeylere sinirlenmiştin de hıncını arabadan mı çıkartıyordun? Çok üzdün bizi Saruhan. Hem de çok. Keşke araban çalışmasaydı dün. Keşke birisi lastiklerini indirmiş olsaydı da şu an aramızda olsaydın. Keşke… Keşke ölmeseydin…

Some of you might know. My new hobby is photography. Still I am not the best photographer ever. I have a lot to learn but I am trying my best to learn more and more. The worst thing about photography is, it costs hell a lot of money. I have just decided to make a calculation;

$860 Canon EOS 450D with 18-55 IS Kit Lens
$80   Amod GPS Photo Tracker 
$70   Canon Rebel Gadget Bag + One Extra Battery + UV Filter
$90   Canon 50mm f/1.8 II Lens
$420 Canon 17-85mm f/4-5.6 IS USM Lens + 3 Filters + Cleaning Kit + Lens Cap Holder etc.
$220 Sigma 70-300mm f/4-5.6 APO DG Macro Lens
$30   Canon EW73-B Lens Hood for Canon 17-85mm f/4-5.6 IS USM Lens
$7.50 Canon RC-1 Remote Control 
$120  Canon BG-E5 Battery Grip

TOTAL: $ 1897.50

It is a really really expensive hobby indeed. Damn me!

Evet, sonunda evimdeyim. Gerçekten de özlemişim ama yine de 10 günün sonunda sıkılacağımı biliyorum. arkadaşlarımın çoğu ortada yok. Otel de oldukça boş.

Bugün askerlik şubesinden çıkış izni almaya gittim. Çok şükür 14 Ekim 2009 a kadar adaya istediğim gibi girip çıkmamı sağlayacak olan hudud çıkış izin kağıdımı alabildim. Sonrası allah kerim. En azından adadan saçma şekillerde kaçmam gerekmeyecek

Yarın büyük olasılıkla güneye geçeceğim. Acaba çok şey değişti mi? Gerçekten de çok merak ediyorum. Bol bol fotograf çekeceğim.

P.S. Yazdığım en dengesiz ve bütünlükten uzak yazı sanırım.